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She did not want to hurt herself or the people she loved, but just wanted to go home and be free of her pain. Her note to us I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I love Jon Jones Alexander Gustafsson Doping Shirt. Three years later the panic attacks are diminished, the tears are fewer, smiles come more frequently but it only takes a picture, a smell, or a stranger that looks like her to bring back the rush of grief and longing. Sometimes watching a video of her tricks my mind into thinking she could walk back in my front door.