I want to take a break from going to church, since I don’t think I’ll ever be able to view that place the same 1st Air Cavalry Division T-Shirts with people like my pastors who look at me in such ways and whoever else they might’ve told, but they refuse again and again and say that “we go as a family like other families” and forget how approving and proud they were a week ago, and I wish I never did the fucking fundraiser that I was on the fence about in the first place. I want to decompress, take a very long break from church and the youth pastor, but my dad says we’re going on Sunday and that he’s gonna talk to the youth pastor but won’t tell me what about, and I’m hoping that I don’t have to be present for it
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I know it feels bad but doing the fundraiser has taught you a lesson about how flawed and inconsistent the authorities in your 1st Air Cavalry Division T-Shirts are. It’s a hard thing to learn but, when they will teach you to feel shame for being a woman and when they don’t have your best interests at heart, it’s a necessary one. You know now that you can question their judgement, even if you do it privately, and you don’t have to take everything they say on board. You are also not responsible for the emotions or behaviour of adult men, or for maintaining the perfect appearance of your family.