“I’ve heard on the internet that avocados are in Brazil.” Max is definitely on Reddit. He even has his “Well-actually” on lock. Both kids say their dad is lucky, and that how pretty Juliana is “proves she’s a 2020 Funny Christmas For Family T-Shirt.” That they needed proof proves they watch reality television. Juliana interacts with them just fine, and somehow resists the urge to immediately alphabetize all his canned goods and back a dumpster up to his living room window.
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Inspired by his binge watch of 80s date rape movies the night before, Michael is flush with romance. “We could shoot a 2020 Funny Christmas For Family T-Shirt. Because I respect you as a person and love you for your mind,” Michael douches. “No? Oh, you think I’m kidding? Hmm, let me try to grimace my shame away now. Wait, I almost forgot: check out this hodgepodge of precious and semiprecious stones I crammed into a wreath of gold. It might surprise you to learn that there weren’t any necklaces with five different colored stones available for immediate purchase, except for those birthstone things for moms. I decided to design it myself, and no one talked me out of it.”