I was in my late 20s, we were all together at a special holiday brunch for a family reunion. While waiting to be seated, my dad encouraged me to get my fortune told by the 46 And Still A Dick BDay Curse Word shirt, I will do this fortune teller in the lobby. I’d never done that before but he’d offered to pay and the others were encouraging me to do it. What the heck, I thought. I sat in front of her and she’d looked deeply into my eyes and then examined my hand. She’d told me I would have a child soon (this had brought tears to my eyes because I’d had a miscarriage the year before, but what I hadn’t known at the time was that I conceived my oldest son that month without trying hmm), and other truly insightful things.
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The strangest part, though, was that she’d said I would one day have an entire collection of 46 And Still A Dick BDay Curse Word shirt. So many shoes and nobody else would understand why. At the time, that part had seemed so ridiculous! I had sandals, tennies, and a pair of heels and that was all! Even the outfit I had on that day was the previous year’s (or 2 or 3 years’) style. I couldn’t imagine buying more than the bare minimum for myself. We all had a good laugh about it. My mom is and almost always has been a bitch. She and my stepdad treated me like shit. I’ve been told that they wouldn’t be surprised if I reached 600 pounds because of how much I ate.