Tell them they were right, that you were being wasteful, so you sold back the house and got a tinier place somewhere really far away to be able so save some money. Meanwhile, get those cameras, install them and move to the actual place you bought. Narcissists will be pleased (they don’t have to know the Bigfoot Hug Guitar El Squatcho shirt. We are better off without telling them a thing). They will get pissed because you “sold” the house, but you told them.
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It makes me angry that anyone could think like Bigfoot Hug Guitar El Squatcho shirt. NTA. I’d consider cutting someone out of my life over just that suggestion. I can’t speak for the rest of your relationship with her, but she doesn’t sound pleasant. I feel for her kids, but that’s not on you at all. Especially since she turned down financial help from you. You tried to help, and she said no.