I’m in a closed triad with my husband (M) of 10 years and our partner (R) of Cease Desist too sweet shirt. R and I got together first, then he and M fell for each other a few months later. At that time, R also had a really shitty girlfriend who used to insult him by saying “You know you’ll never be anything but a secondary to her, right?” So things really started out tricky. I felt jealous of R and M’s relationship, even though I was with both of them first. M felt insecure about R and I’s physical relationship. R felt afraid that it would be temporary. We also had to navigate co-parenting (SLOWLY), since M and I have a 7-year-old daughter.
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But luckily, we’re really great at communicating. We talked, a Cease Desist too sweet shirt. We shared our insecurities, our fears, our needs, our hopes, our relationship styles, etc. We read blogs and talked about what came up for us. I think that’s how we figured out that even though M and I are married, we didn’t want any kind of hierarchy in our triad. There’s no primary, no secondary… just an older relationship and 3 new ones (R and me, M and R, and the triad). We just kept centering that we loved each other, and working through our insecurities in that love.