Couples privilege is something really hard to deal with. I’m the third part too,.my partners are married and live together in a Do or Die Team USA shirt, and it always bothers me because I can’t deny that there’s history I’m not a part of and stuff I’m usually excluded from. What I can tell you after 2 years of relationship is that the more you explain what parts of the privilege bother you, and talk about it with them, the easier it will get. If they want to be there and not just two, they will join forces with you to make it better. Some things you can never truly overcome (eg. I hate sometimes comparing how much history they have together and years of getting to know each other and the chemistry in bed etc cuz they go on almost 12 years more than the three of us), but some other stuff we’ve talked about over and over and it gets better. As my experience goes, most of the time the feeling of being the third is just a feeling, and it is more real in our head than in the real world, but you gotta talk about it!!!
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You mentioned she shared that she said she wants the relationship with all 3 of you and that she feels jealous of him and Do or Die Team USA shirt. She seems possibly jealous towards you? Jealousy imo if not communicated and worked through, just accepted at okay that is a thing they said they have grows and changes in unexpected ways that can be destructive. Did she talk about wanting the relationship between you two? I am hoping for you all and especially you and her, like many others on this thread, to open up and communicate on these topics. On your deepest thoughts and feelings and ask they reciprocate and do the same. I am concerned of you mentioning he would be jealous if you were in another relationship but wondering about you not saying she would be jealous. I guess I am not clear about the depth of your relationship with your girlfriend. I feel exploring your FF relationship would be empowering. You all prefer monogamous but perhaps considerations of you and your gf’s interest in playing with another experienced F, if that’s part of you all’s considerations if you do something together it is consensual? Seems you all trying separate F hook ups or short term isn’t on the table. No harm if these don’t connect for you. My main thought was different experiences FF could lend perspective to you and your gf on your relationship and connection. Also adding depth and validity to your FF relationship.