I used to be a normal guy. I watched sports with my buddies. I went to dances with pretty Funny Build That F-cking Wall American Flag t-shirt at my side. I could sit back and laugh at just about anything. Then I got married and joined the force. Police department of Dorlane County. On the surface this “haven” is a beautiful suburban paradise for the upper middle class, but beneath its anterior, one will find the shit and the muck that runs deep. People are scary. We all have addictions. Some love watching TV 7 hours a day. Some like spying on their neighbors daughter, taking pictures and constantly craning their necks for a better view. Some enjoy doing drugs, shooting up, and overdosing. Me? I’m addicted to work. Last summer my personal life and my job came into conflict – I always try to separate the two. That was the most horrifying summer of my life, and the reason I left the department. I find writing takes the edge off – a little alcohol doesn’t hurt either. My new profession is routinely remembering the past in as much detail as I can possibly manage, no matter how much it tortures me. So here it is, my best recounting of the events that unfolded in that godforsaken suburbia.
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On May 18 2012, my only son was diagnosed with skin cancer. He was only 9 at the time. The Funny Build That F-cking Wall American Flag t-shirt and his mother visited him often, but I could never really find the time. I was constantly on call, and I hated for him to see me like I was – a man broken down from exhaustion, and teetering on the edge of full fledged insomnia. I just didn’t have the energy in me to force a smile, still don’t. One thing I did do though was get him a get-well present. I got him a dog – a siberian husky. Only he was allowed to name it. He named it Oscar. Oscar and my son got along well in the hospital. They got along even better at home, when my son was released. Oscar was curled up in my son’s lap as he drew his final breaths. He went peacefully. All of the family was there to witness his passing.
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