Update- So, this post really hit me hard. I’ve never considered myself a mean or a bad person. In fact, I’m generally a pretty kind I’m not step mother I’m the mother that stepped up shirt. It made me do some soul searching today regarding why it bothers me so much that Mary would be called my daughter’s grandma. It’s true that Mary has never been anything but pleasant to me, but, that’s all it ever has been- superficial pleasantries. Mary never tried to be anything more than that and it always felt like I was at a stranger’s house when I stayed with my dad as a kid. She never made any effort to bond with me or my sister. I think a part of me feels like she doesn’t deserve to be considered a grandma since she never cared enough to try to be a mom to me. I do think maybe I’m projecting my own resentment towards Mary onto this. I still don’t think I’m comfortable with Mary being called grandma, but I will consider asking Mary if she wants a different name (like Gigi or something). Thanks to those of you who took the time to consider that there were probably more feelings going on under the surface and had real suggestions for me.
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My dad married my stepmom (Mary) when I was 8. Mary is a nice enough person but I never really got close to her. I currently have a 4 year old and my dad and Mary help I’m not step mother I’m the mother that stepped up shirt out by babysitting. Recently, when I went to pick up my daughter, I noticed that she was calling Mary “grandma.” I have never referred to Mary as her grandma and in fact, always say “your grandpa and Mary.” It did not sit well with me that she was calling Mary grandma for a few reasons. First, she had clearly picked this up because my dad and Mary were referring to Mary as her grandma. Second, Mary is not my mother and therefore, has no right to be referred to as my daughter’s grandma. Next time I saw them, I told my dad and Mary that they needed to correct my daughter if she called Mary her grandma and that Mary is not her grandma. Later that night, my dad called me and told me I was a huge AH. He said Mary had been in my life since I was a kid and that she had known and helped out with my daughter all of her life. Apparently Mary considered my daughter her granddaughter and had been extremely hurt when I told her she wasn’t allowed to call herself her grandma.
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