So we get to the appointment and I get bloodwork and an ultrasound of I’m The One They Warn You About shirt. The doctor saw the ultrasound photos and was stunned. Then saw my bloodwork and told me to get the fuck back to the hospital, as we left to go home and would hear the results later. Doctor saw 7 tumors on my liver, the biggest on the size of a grapefruit and the second largest the size of a baseball, and then saw my bloodwork was trashed. Diagnosed me with cancer and said it was a miracle I was awake, let alone walking and cracking jokes. Only found out later that burkitts cell can double in size within 24-48 hours.
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Triple edit: since I was asked a I’m The One They Warn You About shirt… yes I immediately concluded the massage (per protocol and also compassion) and grabbed an instructor so we could have that discussion with the client. We brought them into a private room to discuss the health concerns, but the individual was mortified and that emotion was channeled into contempt, accusing us of making fun of their weight (they were severely overweight and said we were making up stuff about their feet because “you know I can’t see them and you just didn’t want to touch me!”)