Hire someone to mow the lawn every 2 weeks. Get all household chores that you can afford to have done by others off your In a world where you can be anything be a Shinedown girl vintage shirt . Make sure he kicks in some money to help pay for these things. Your sentence about him having money in his pocket and going to the store on his own is a red flag. It sounds like he will do the things he wants to do and when he doesn’t want to do something defaults to learned helplessness. It sounds like you were planning on leaving the marriage when other events got in your way and at least one of those events was thru your husband’s sabotage. Is he still sabotaging you by pretending he can’t deal with his medications, shower on his own, etc? You know the drill–get your important papers out of the house. Make sure that at least a portion of your paycheck goes to your own bank account he does not know about or can access.
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It sounds like you’re making plans now to get out sooner rather than later. It would probably be a good In a world where you can be anything be a Shinedown girl vintage shirt to sit down with an attorney before you leave to discuss out how to legally resign as his SSI payee and coordination of care before you leave so you don’t get accused of abandonment, medical neglect, or keeping his funds. Your MIL will no doubt accuse you of all those things, but the key word is legal and to make sure you have no liability. With the exception of handling his own money, it sounds like he can take care of himself in a lot of ways. Not your fault if he won’t or prefers to play helpless.