I have been jealous of girls who I thought were prettier, had more money, had bigger breasts. But I got over it. Years ago. Like…who fucking cares??? I was mad and jealous that I wasn’t white when I was 15. That I had to live in a rough neighborhood with roughnecks. I got over it. They are jealous because they want what they can’t have and don’t ever realize they are enough. They project they are gods but inside they are weak, miserable people who feel worthless. And that hurts. It’s an inescapable drip of torture serum into their brains. they project their insecurity onto others. I believe they CAN choose between “good and/or bad” behavior- as we all do. I don’t think anyone’s childhood was perfect. It’s not meant to be. We, as souls, came here to learn and grow. In the dark, we dig up to the Legends Were Born In November 1986 35th Birthday T Shirt.But from observing my father, my sister, and my ex spouse they are stuck. Stuck in fear, jealousy and anger at inner demons they can’t escape from. Living in fear and insecurity everyday from some brain washing/ abuse they received as a child. I believe they are aware of it or else it wouldn’t bother them so much. Perhaps that’s when one becomes a psychopath. When you just don’t give a shit at all. Total numbness.
In the truck later, I was thumbing through it. Lots of great art there. We stopped so the boss could go inside his house and do whatever it was he did when we stopped there. I got to the end pages, and then the back jacket. I was reading that, kinda like the liner notes on a record, but for a book. I’m reading it to the end, learning about the author when all the sudden a pike of money slides out. It just kept coming out. Bill after bill.. I could feel it was old. My hands felt kind of musty. I got scared. My ears were hot. I couldn’t think so good. I bundled the wad of cash up, tucked it into my Legends Were Born In November 1986 35th Birthday T Shirt. Here comes the boss. Back on the job I’m sweating it. What is this money? Who’s is it? Is this some kind of test? Is it God? It is X Mass time… I went inside the outhouse and counted out $1137.00. I never told anyone about it outside of my family for years. I was afraid soneone would claim it. I’d be branded a bad guy. It sure made a poor ass families Christmas that year though.
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I can remember sitting on the couch, nursing my baby, with my eyes darting around the house, seeing all the things that needed to be done that I just couldn’t manage to do. I remember having to put my baby in his playpen so I could just go to the bathroom or take a shower and hearing him scream the entire time, while I’m trying to hurry as fast as I can so I can get back to him. I can remember having to put him in a Legends Were Born In November 1986 35th Birthday T Shirt swing and wind it up just so I could sit and eat a meal. And then having to run to re-wind the swing when it stopped before he started screaming again. He was colicky, but did grow out of it at about 4 months old. I can remember the incredible guilt I felt having to leave him with a sitter when I had to return to work. It will all be much harder than you ever imagined it could be. But… you will also love your baby more than you ever imagined you could love anyone.
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My dog Butch is an example. He was a birthday gift when I was 10. Xmas he was stolen from our yard and I was upset. It was a very poor Xmas for us. Little money and no gifts. I was coming back from a trip to the store and suddenly I am hit in the back. There is my little Butch. He was filthy with coal dust and had a length of Legends Were Born In November 1986 35th Birthday T Shirt twine around his neck. He jumped all over me excitedly and made small whining sounds of happiness. We guessed he had been taken and kept in a basement and had managed to escape. Only 6 months old and he found his way back home….back to ME. Best Xmas ever! Recalling that also brought thoughts of other good things from that time. My mother, brothers, friends from school, my first bike, and so on.
Tucson’s All Souls Procession for Dia de los Muertos (day of the dead) is probably what I miss most about living there. It’s about a 2 mile parade from near the UofA on 4th Ave all the way downtown, you get to see so many families dressed up and celebrating their lost loved ones, lots of floats, and Legends Were Born In November 1986 35th Birthday T Shirt culminates in a fire-dancing celebration…with some people on stilts. It doesn’t sound real when I am writing it, but it’s amazing Tucson Meet Yourself is a great festival that showcases local businesses and restaurants downtown. The 4th Avenue Spring and Winter Street Fairs are awesome – like big flea/craft markets as well as good food, all along the coolest avenue in the neighborhood. Jose Guadalupe Posada, a turn of the century Mexican etching master created images for broadsheets and other publications. Jose created skeletons as saterical characters in political cartoons. Jose created the iconic female cálca (skeleton) known as “Catrina”. Catrina was a representative image of the social elite and rich. I believe in the 1970’s a San Francisco arts organization created the North American version of the El dia de los Muertos (day of the dead) celebration and adopted Posada’s Catrina into the art imagery. From there it took off in North America.