I suppose this is a good place to share where my fears around palliation come from. I used to be an aid in a nursing home, many years ago. I saw a number of unpleasant deaths due to insufficient palliation. We had a wonderful man who was prescribed a self administration pump for Show Me Your Bobbers And I Show My Pole Shirt. Problem was, he was too sick to press it, and his physician did not seem to grasp the severity of his condition. Every half hour, one of us would sneak in and press the button on his pump, which, in hindsight, was probably illegal, but what else could we do?
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He was very uncomfortable at the end. I tried to do basic mouth care just before he passed and Show Me Your Bobbers And I Show My Pole Shirt. “Have a heart”, he whispered. It broke my heart to hear this admonition from such a wonderful man. My greatest fear was Terminal Restlessness. I saw a few patients scratch their faces and tear their fingernails out as they died, even on high doses of opioids and benzodiazepines. My palliative physician has assured me that he won’t let that happen and that there is no limit to what they can give me. I feel much reassured.