We both slept badly that first weekend. Somewhere between the Straight outta chernobyl shirt and the radiation treatments (accompanied by steroids) that happened early on, one of the doctors apologized for having forgotten to give him anything to help him sleep. No one ever suggested any such thing for me. (I recall reading an article some time later describing some study that found all sorts of stress reactions and stuff in spouses of those with cancer and thinking, “We needed a study for this? Duh.”)
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We decided to get married. Initially we had intended to wait until after we both finished engineering school, but I have Straight outta chernobyl shirt and it seemed to suit him well enough not to bother for the first 12 years we were together. It was no lack of commitment; we bought a house together and loved each other very much. Marrying him was part a practical decision—so that I could speak for him if he couldn’t, and so that inheritance sorts of things would be easier to sort out. But at this point, it was also to have some good news to tell people, to offset the bad news, as it were. We had about 60 guests in the back yard on a July day so hot that the weather in California made the news in Australia. (I would recommend a simple, informal wedding to anyone considering it. People can relax when they’re not being so formal, and it costs far less and is easier to orchestrate. But I digress.